Today, I’m doing a self-experiment: Browsing and shopping at Temu, of course with a set budget and a detailed review of all products in mind, if they all arrive. You guys triggered me recently, and so the time finally came. Ordered on 10/15/2023 and delivered on 10/24/2023, so a delivery time of 9 days. That’s acceptable for now, even though the throw-in mail from Hermes was once again terrible. Tossed into the stairwell, but I had deliberately ordered items that should inherently have a stronger will to survive. And just between us: I’ll never do this again.
Unpacking and marveling
The 11 items I ordered, which I’ll detail in the order summary and later individually in the reviews, were delivered in the usual, tear-resistant Temu bag. It crumples up more beautifully than a moldy bath sponge and is surely easier for the sender to fill. Open the bag, stuff in, be happy. The excitement is building, and I brewed myself a calming tea specifically for relaxed unpacking.
What a fuss! When you drape all the stuff from the bag on the table, it immediately looks like much more. Of course, everything is also packed again individually more or less elaborate. So you take the well-tried cutter knife…
…and frees the contents from all shackles and fluff. Suddenly everything looks much less and you start to wonder where all the money has gone. Almost everything is smaller than it seemed on the photos at Temu. And if there were measurements, then only in inches. But most of it was without size information anyway. That this can take revenge, you can read in the individual tests.
I’ll put it this way: The packaging remnants looked like more than the unpacked contents at the end. And since I’m a waste-separating German, I stuffed all the plastic for the yellow garbage can into the Temu bag and the cardboard stuff into the smaller boxes. I got it out late at night because I was downright embarrassed. Prekariats garbage has meant my neighbor this morning and grinned really nasty. Ok, where he is right, there he is right. Shopping like billionaires? Exactly that. Not.
The shopping list
I had set myself a limit of a maximum of 80 euros worth of goods and was first pleased that there were three items free. Yes, I could have added some more stuff to exhaust the limit again, but in the end my money was too good for me. And you still have to test the stuff and that costs valuable time. Ok, you have your joy and I have the stress. But that’s how the role-playing editorial office works. One of us works and the rest stuffs the popcorn down their gullets.
After the first order, I started again and refilled. After all, I had won a supposed 100 Euro discount voucher. However, you then have to order for 100 euro crap, only to use up a larger portion of the voucher. Cleverly thought out, but of course I clung to the limit and resisted. Resistance pure. Not even I can stand so much junk at once.
Tests and measurements
As far as it was appropriate, I also analyzed the material, of course, and microscoped everything in high resolution, as well as tried to use everything extensively in practice. Added value or garbage? I am smarter now and so are you.
That’s exactly what I can answer in detail on the following pages, and yes, right at the beginning there was even real blood. Namely mine. But it’s my own fault and always one after the other…
And yes, I will rate every article in Top, Ok and Flop.
- 1 - Introduction and my Temu orders
- 2 - Fried eggs parody with blood instead of ketchup
- 3 - Headphone stand with toxic support
- 4 - Purple arrow in neon look? Why not!
- 5 - Cotton swabs with claustrophobia
- 6 - Falls off like waste: Transparent adhesive tape
- 7 - Art becomes more and more artificial
- 8 - Bright suspenders for gnomes
- 9 - Glass ball with heart and enlightenment
- 10 - Apple prices on Temu? But it works!
- 11 - Lowest level vacuum claner
- 12 - Time expired and a sobering conclusion
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