How Mediamarkt is doing the lemming test with the Apple iPhone 15 Pro Max and ripping off customers

In a small country beyond the seven beer seas and seven bratwurst mountains, the excitement was once again palpable. The iPhone 15 (Pro Max) had been announced with much fanfare in a nicely done live stream, and members of the illustrious Apple cult could hardly wait to warm their hands on it, given the rising gas prices and the looming harsh Russian winter. The advertisement promised that this iPhone could not only warm hands and brew coffee but also predict the future. An absolute must-have for all digital lemmings, of which, unfortunately, I am one.

Our MediaMarkt (bundled with Saturn, of course, doubly sneaky), being one of the largest electronics stores in the German refuge of the dark web, was naturally the first to offer the iPhone 15 Pro Max for sale. And the best part? They even promised a fixed delivery date, right at the release! People, or rather lemmings, queued up virtually to place their pre-orders, and MediaMarkt gleefully squeezed out the hard-earned coins of these lemmings as a down payment to spruce up its cash flow. While the Apple Store only checks credit cards and charges upon shipping, MediaMarkt, as always, struck immediately. And what sounded from afar like an autumnal thunderstorm were actually the champagne corks popping in the executive suite, where they were pouring Widow Clicquot all over themselves. They’re liquid again…

Like many other victims, I was one of the first to naively pre-order the iPhone 15 Pro Max from MediaMarkt when the shop finally went live. I dreamt of brewing coffee with my new iPhone and predicting the lottery numbers for the next week. Warm hands included, of course. Because in the wonderful world of online shopping, there’s a magical tradition called “pre-ordering.” It’s a bit like a magic trick: You hand over your money, hoping to be among the first to receive the latest, shiniest, and often completely unnecessary gadget or product. It’s a bit like betting on the future, which you can then see with the device. But like any good magic trick, there’s a catch, this time in the form of this market’s business model.

The waiting begins. Days surely turn into weeks. Weeks might even turn into months. Anticipation turns into impatience. You obsessively check your emails, hoping for a shipping confirmation. But all you get are promotional emails for other products that you can, of course, pre-order. And just before the promised delivery, a circular email arrives for all the gullible lemmings, vaguely stating that there will be delays. Fixed dates? What do they care about their digital chatter from yesterday? Completely overrated, just like the spelling with which this pamphlet apparently tested the attention span of the duped lemmings. Of course, they address you informally; it’s the hip thing to do. Seriously?

Due to the extremely high demand for the new Apple iPhone and the currently limited availability in the overall market, unfortunately, not all orders can be delivered on the release date. In the coming days and weeks, we will continuously receive additional shipments, and we would appreciate it if you keep your order. Of course, we will always keep you updated on the status. We ask for your patience and thank you for your understanding (translation).

In the world of online shopping, not everything is as it seems. And sometimes it’s better to wait until a product is actually available before spending your hard-earned money on it. But then, of course, you wouldn’t be a true lemming. I had deliberately pre-ordered the latest iPhone with and because of the delivery date, lured by shiny advertisements and the promise that this model was finally (really, really, really!) the best ever. The money was promptly debited, and now you eagerly await the postman’s ring. But the hours and days pass, and there’s no sign of the shiny new toy in a titanium dress. Eventually, you realize: You’ve been duped again. Your money is gone, and the product you’ve been eagerly awaiting is nowhere to be seen. You feel cheated, disappointed, and a bit foolish. But you can also see it this way: You’ve learned a valuable lesson (how many times now?).

But there’s still the hotline; you should be able to ask questions. As with the legendary pre-order, the MediaMarkt hotline has this wonderful magic in the fascinating world of customer service hotlines. A magic so unique that it’s only mastered by the true champions of the “customers-last-we-first” principle. I’m talking, of course, about the legendary “We-have-your-money-but-not-your-product” hotline. Imagine calling because the ordered smartphone has turned into a mirage. After enjoying the wonderful hold music for 45 minutes (which keeps playing the same song that you definitely never want to hear again), you finally get to speak to a real person! But not just any person. No, you get the privilege of speaking to a true master of “camouflage and deception.”

“Ah, the iPhone 15 Pro Max?”, says the employee in a tone that sounds like I just asked for a unicorn. “Yes, there’s a teeny-tiny, unforeseeable delivery hiccup. But don’t worry, it’ll be with you soon! We’re always doing our best.” And what happens after a week? Surely still no iPhone. Okay, then you call again. “Oh, it seems your iPhone is vacationing in the Bermuda Triangle,” jokes the employee. “But it’ll be back soon and come straight to you in triangular shorts!”

On the third call, you’re probably told that the ordered iPhone is currently on a spiritual journey in the Himalayas to find itself. But don’t worry, it’ll soon be so illuminated with 15,000 nits that it’ll voluntarily deliver itself to the customer at the speed of light. Seriously, this “iPhone-not-deliverable-hotline” is truly a verbal-acrobatic, dumbfounding masterpiece of modern highway robbery. It combines seemingly creative excuses with unshakeable optimism that almost makes you forget that you’ve actually bought an expensive product that’s nowhere in sight. But at least you have something to talk about with acquaintances and great content for your website or social media.

The excitement in Germany turned into frustration, as it turned out that the iPhone 15 Pro Max was not available at all! MediaMarkt had accepted thousands of pre-orders with false promises, gleefully pocketed the money, but not delivered a single iPhone. How could they, when there’s nothing to deliver? So the literate lemmings banded together in fury and bombarded the online shop with nasty comments, giving the iPhone 15 a fine 1-star rating. At least until the paid army of moderators show up and wipe everything clean. Or MediaMarkt fires up the troll factory and praises itself.

And me? I continue to drink my hand-brewed coffee, munch on popcorn, and play the lottery with the old numbers. Because sometimes the old is better than the new. Especially when the new doesn’t even exist. Apple who? Long live the lemming!

And as a small side note, allow me to say: The entire organization is living online in the deepest (including intellectual) darkness. I’m aware that there can be delays. But anyone who so brazenly and against better judgment sets and communicates delivery dates must unfortunately be held accountable. The same goes for the entire procedure that follows, as it’s even more audacious. The delivery date clearly reads BY 09/22/2023. Otherwise, like thousands of others, I would not have ordered from there, but somewhere else. And that’s where the competitors should finally step in and take action, not just the deceived customers.