You can’t leak something that’s already available and you can’t test something that can’t be obtained at short notice. So my explicit thanks go to PCGH, who kindly made their double bunny available to me, as my pulsed graphics hopper was once again stuck in customs. And my weekend goes to the nitro-soaked, golden substitute rabbit. This will be short and sweet again, but it should be enough to determine whether AMD’s new Lepus Aureus is a real wolf in rabbit’s clothing or just a hollow chocolate figurine that is driven among the people in keeping with the season and then melts away quietly in the evening breeze under the weight of the socket. And as a little side joke: on Friday afternoon, my heart rate rose once again when the card I had actually been advised of arrived. I don’t know whether customs had run out of steam and found something else.
So my weekend is saved once again, the family is angry and I’m going to heat up the lab. It’s zero degrees outside and the risk of my beloved coffee getting cold faster than you can say pug is all too real. But what am I actually testing? In the darkest corners of the internet, where the line between genius and madness is as thin as the warranty on an overclocked graphics card, an announcement was made that made the heart of every self-proclaimed technology guru beat faster. AMD’s “Golden Rabbit Edition” (GRE) of its RX 7900 will soon be widely available to the normal end customer. However, these samples were limited to just a few units worldwide for the testers, each one bearing the verbal signature of a famous rabbit borrowed from a cartoon – a legal gray area as wide as the Grand Canyon.
I was one of the select few lucky enough to get my hands on one of these mystical cards (albeit initially with the help of another editor). But suddenly you are no longer a mere mortal, no, the hardware tester in you becomes a digital gladiator. And you only have until Monday. The problem? We already had plans. Ambitious plans. I wanted to spend the weekend doing something I hadn’t known for a long time – a social life.
But as fate would have it, that very social life was canceled faster than an unpopular internet meme. With a sigh, I unpacked the graphics card, the sight of which was so dazzling that I briefly considered whether I should have become a welder instead. The installation was less a technical endeavor and more an act of faith, while a playlist of mournful violins played in the background. And what makes such a bunny a cult object?
If you were mean, you would see it as an expedition into the absurd. The card’s fans only start up when I play a certain episode of a certain bunny cartoon. Also, the card glows an impressive shade of gold, but only when I’m wearing a bunny costume. i hope my conclusion isn’t something like, “The AMD RX 7900 Golden Rabbit Edition is less of a graphics card and more of an expensive piece of metal that also happens to be able to render games. Perfect for anyone who has too much money and wants to gain a deep insight into the futility of existence at the same time.” But of course I’m happy to be surprised.
And what else? Once again, I learn two important lessons this weekend: Firstly, that real life is completely overrated from the point of view of certain companies, and secondly, that you should never, under any circumstances, store a gold-plated graphics card anywhere near your self-esteem. Because you never know when reality will come along to take it away. Or something like that. So happy testing…
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