The year is 2023, I’ve knocked over my energy drink again early in the morning, and technological progress has provided us with a wealth of groundbreaking inventions in the meantime, from self-driving cars to long-lasting cell phone batteries to 3D-printed pizzas. But now it’s time for you to focus on a completely unexpected product on my desk – the XXXL water-resistant mouse pad! Sharkoon has launched the 1337 V2 Big Size, the ultimate 1.60-meter desk baywatch.
Speaking of the 1337, let’s pause for a moment to appreciate the unmatched brilliance of the Sharkoon brand creators in bringing the awesome 1337 or “Leet” to my desk. In fact, it’s hard to believe how impressive this transformative language is. I mean, who needs the beauty and nuance of language when you can use numbers and symbols to represent words instead? Shakespeare would be envious, “2b or n07 2b”, that’s the question here, right? But back to the occasion of my Friday article today, which you can take quite seriously if you are a stickler like me.
Because the permanent soiling of such documents is really an underestimated phenomenon of the modern age. It’s almost as if these little food artifacts absorb our daily struggles and victories, our coffee breaks and snack attacks, and wear them as proud tokens of their years of service. Because let’s face it, there’s nothing more beautiful than a desk pad that looks like it came out of an impressionist painting. With coffee stains that look like random splotches of paint and crumbs scattered across the surface like tiny sculptures. It’s almost like having a piece of modern art right on your desk! For free, mind you.
Whereby: the weekly bathing and scrubbing sucks abysmally, because a little bit of basic order must already be, even on my desk. And now? Something new was needed. Exactly for such stunning contemporaries like me, the world of consumer goods has produced a true giant that puts even the largest computer desk in the shade. The new mouse pad is so big that it could double as a tapestry, yoga mat, or, for the extra brave, even a small home rug. But it gets even better, because this mousepad is also water resistant!
Let’s pause right at this point in my daily outpourings for a second to appreciate this triumph of new technology. Have you ever spilled a cup of coffee or tea all over your mouse? Well, with the new XXXL mouse pad, such worries are a thing of the past. Not only will it catch your drink like a loving, stain-resistant lap dog, it will also make sure your mouse stays safe and dry. Not to mention, you’ll have enough room to set your cup down without risking even the slightest scratch on your desk. And for the tipped beer after four is also provided for…
And anyway, imagine a rainy day when you’re sitting in your office and suddenly discover a leak in the ceiling because the hail from the roof to the office passed a resounding case study? With the conventional mouse pad you would lose a mouse and a pad in seconds, your mind anyway. At least. But with the water-repellent XXXL mousepad? No problem! The mousepad simply turns into an improvised bucket and catches the water seeping through the leak. And yes, you can continue working in the meantime.
Of course, the big question that comes up now is, “Do we really need a XXXL mousepad that’s also water-resistant?” The answer is clear: of course! After all, who wouldn’t want to cover their entire work surface with a single, giant mouse pad that is so water resistant that you could continue working even in a flood? This XXXL water repellent mouse pad is not only a triumphant demonstration of the power of technology, it’s also an ode to our unquenchable thirst for more, bigger, better. It’s the perfect gift for the office worker like me who already has everything.
Yes, it’s Friday again and I’m benchmarking my wolf right now. And you’ll want to read something, even if it’s about my new desk rug. It’s easier to clean now, has no RGB anymore (what a visual relief!) and wasn’t that expensive. The monster mat gibts for plenty of 20 euros in well-stocked specialty stores and impregnation spray is probably not cheaper in the sum over months. And no, this is not a sponsored article, but maybe Sharkoon will throw a fiver into my coffee fund. Then the spill will be even cheaper for me.
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