Exactly twenty years ago, I made a decision that changed my life in a quiet but profound way. It was not a loud moment, not a big oath in front of an audience – just a personal decision, exactly 20 years ago today, on 05.05.05 in the morning on a balcony in Chemnitz in the morning mist, with a last cigarette and a cup of coffee. Today I am proud that I took this path and, above all, that I stuck to it.
It wasn’t an easy start, but looking back, it was probably the clearest and most sensible decision I’ve ever made. I don’t want to convert anyone with this short review or offer a one-size-fits-all solution – everyone has to find their own time and their own reasons. But perhaps my example will give someone the impetus to at least give it a serious try. Because yes, it is worth it. And no: I have never regretted it. The symbolic date made it a little easier for me, I’m happy to admit. But you have to do it all by yourself.
No excuses, no “last minute”, no postponing until tomorrow. Just me, a cup of coffee, damp morning dew on the balcony and a cigarette that was so much more than just a stick – it was the last bastion of self-deception. A Golden American, in a pack of 25, of course. Because if you “treat” yourself to a pack twice a day, it’s better to reach for the large pack to complete the self-deception in elegant packaging instead of destroying three packs. Because the 20s eventually became too small, then there were only 19, then 18 – and even the 50 a day were often not enough to quell the inner restlessness, which actually had completely different causes.
But that very morning, 20 years ago now, was the end. It was the third attempt – but this time it was meant seriously. Not out of spite, not because of a New Year’s resolution, perhaps also because my doctor had warned me and I found it difficult to climb the stairs. It was simply the moment. Not an epic flash of enlightenment, but a sober, almost silent decision. Together with my wife, who was also determined, we turned our backs on nicotine addiction. And we did it cold turkey – no patches, no chewing gum, no substitutes. Just willpower, coffee and occasionally grinding our teeth in silence. But without coughing up in the early morning.
After just a few weeks, climbing stairs became an activity again and not a test. After a year, the cardiologist gave me the thumbs up – not a medal, but somehow worth more. And the keyboards and PC cases in the office remained in their original color from then on. No more yellowish haze on monitors and no odor that still crept out of every corner even after cleaning.
Today, after two decades, I sometimes ask myself how I did it for so long. How much you can cling to something that gives you nothing in return except coughing, stains and regret. But I’ve never regretted quitting – not for a single minute. And the need? It just disappeared at some point. Like a guest who says goodbye unannounced and is never seen again. No loss.
Maybe that’s the real point: you don’t miss anything when you’ve won. And sometimes the road to a better life doesn’t start with fireworks, but with a determined stub out of a cigarette at 05:05 on a cold balcony, dew on the railing and coffee in hand.
Health first. And this time for good.
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